Stepping Out Of Paradise
by Gleechumber
Summary: This is the story of Jillian Tatterton's early years, and how her pregnancy and marriage to Cleave came about.
1. Prologue

All characters in this story were created by VC Andrews, and the inspiration behind this also comes from her. Please don't steal my work!  
  
  
Prologue  
My childhood wasn't a very happy one. My momma, although I was sure she loved me, was more concerned about her looks and throwing parties. Father was wrapped up in his business, and had no time for me. He also had a very violent temper, and I prefferred to steer clear of him completely.  
  
Maybe that's why I found comfort elsewhere, in the shape of Marcus Hyde, my best friend Rose's older brother. Even though not everything that happened was my will, at least I was able to find a little human warmth.  
  
This is my story, for anyone who wishes to know the real Jillian- the woman behind the shallow beauty, and selfishness. 


	2. Chapter One

One- My Secret  
  
"Momma."  
"Yes, Jillian? What is it now?"  
"Momma... I think I might be pregnant."  
My momma dropped the gold-plated vanity mirror, and looked at me, sharply.  
"This is no time for messing around. What is it you REALLY want?"  
"Momma, I mean it! It's true..."  
She looked me, full on, both of her blue eyes gazing into my identical blue ones. "Jillian, you had better not be mocking me. Are you telling the truth?"  
"Yes." I stared down at the floor, ashamed, my cheeks burning. Perhaps I shouldn't have told her this way? Maybe I should have written it in a letter, like I wanted to all along. But my conscience had got the better of me, and I knew that it wasn't right for me to take the cowards way out. And so I had told her, face to face. But now she was just staring at me. Staring, like I was a stranger.  
Then, she broke the silence.  
"Get out." She murmured. "I do not wish to shout at you, or slap you Jillian. It would be wrong of me. So leave my presence now, before something regretable happens."  
"But momma..."  
"Now, Jillian."  
A hot tear trickled down my cheek. I span about and almost ran from momma's suite of rooms, and into my own. There, I flung myself onto my bed and let the tears come. After about half an hour, I fell into a deeply troubled sleep. Two hours later, I was awoken by a knocking on my bedroom door.   
"Come in." I sleepily called. It was Lilly, one of the maids.  
"Your father is home. And he wishes to see you now, in his study." She left again.  
I shakily stood up, and looked at myself in the mirror. I ran a brush through my tousled hair. I looked down at my stomach. Soon, there would be a bump, and I would lose the slim figure that every teenage girl wants. I knew I was pretty. Everyone told me that, even father, and I was certain he hated me. He loved my sisters more. Because they were clever, and took after him. They were both plain though. Momma told me that I took after her- I had the looks. She used to tell me looks could get a woman everywhere. Well, momma, look where they have got me now. Look at the trouble I'm in.  
I left my bedroom, and went downstairs, and nervously tapped on the door of my father's study. I had to admit to myself that it was through sheer fear of father that I was shaking, and not just because of recent events which had made me upset.  
"Enter." Father's deep voice boomed. I opened the door and walked into the room, shutting the door behind me, as father always requested I do. However this time, I stood as close to the door as possible, ready to run away from my father if need be.  
"You're not... scared... are you?" Father asked me, sarcastically.   
I half shook my head, even though I was visibly trembling.  
"Well, you needn't even open your mouth, Jillian. Your mother has already told me everything. The only reason you need to speak from now on, is to keep on apologising profoundly for the shame and embarassment you have caused this family. Got it?"  
"Yes."  
"Yes WHAT?" My father almost exploded with rage.  
"Yes father."  
"We shall find a solution to your little problem in due time. But for now, keep out of my sight, and out of everyone else's too, for that matter. You can leave now."  
I turned and left father's study, slamming the door behind me. How DARE he treat me like that! I needed help! I needed to talk about it. But so far, nobody had given me the chance to say what had really happened. I couldn't talk to momma. I certainly couldn't talk to father. My sisters both hated me and thought me inferior to them. And now I had finally proved them right... 


	3. Chapter Two

Two- Father's Wrath  
  
When Lilly came upstairs to tell me it was dinner time, I smiled and nodded, and ignored her. I didn't want to face my family. I knew my sisters would have been told of the horrible thing I had done by now, and as for my parents, they didn't want to see me, for sure. So I decided I would go hungry, and remain in my bedroom for as long as I could.  
Soon enough, Lilly was sent up a second time to see where I had got to. "They won't start eating without you, miss." She told me "And it will go cold if you don't hurry."  
I knew that Lilly suspected something was up, and she only meant well, but in spite of my best intents, I ended up shouting at her, telling her I didn't give a damn that they were all waiting for me.  
"Tell them I am NOT coming! If they want to wait for me, that's fine, but they are going to have a pretty long wait! And if you go gossiping to the other servants about this, I will see that you no longer have a job here!" Lilly wasn't the type to go gossiping anyway, but I wanted to offend her, hurt her, make her leave so I could cry on my own again.  
It worked. Lilly left. But less than two minutes later, I heard more footsteps on the stairs, much heavier this time. I knew it was father. I knew he would punish me if I didn't keep him away from me. So I jumped up from my bed, and ran across the room to lock the door. But before I could slide the bolt across, he roughly burst in, and dealt me a nasty slap around the face. Falling backwards, I landed heavily on the floor, backing away as I did so.  
I knew what would happen next, before it even came about.  
Father removed his belt. Something he had often threatened me with, yet never actually done. As he lifted it in the air, I heard a crack as it came down, but this was nothing compared to the hard, sharp sting of it being whipped across my back. I tried to keep silent, to show father I was strong. But I couldn't help but scream- I was in such pain as the metal buckle hit me across the spine.  
"Shut up." Father growled, and he finally stopped hitting me. "I hope you have learned your lesson, Jillian. Never cross me, or any member of this family again. We have thought of a way to be rid of you without arousing too much suspicion. At lunchtime tomorrow, you will be downstairs with us. And please try and look decent. Tear stains and tangled hair don't suit you."  
He left my bedroom, and I lay in a crumpled heap on the soft white carpet, which was now slightly bloodstained.  
What could father have meant? A way to be rid of me? In one way I was glad, glad to finally be getting out of the family I had never felt a part of. But I was also worried by father's plan. What was he going to do to me? 


	4. Chapter Three

Three- Revelations  
  
When I awoke the next morning, I had already decided not to leave my bedroom. Momme came upstairs first thing in the morning, to tell me that my personal tutor would not be coming in that day.  
"Why not?" I had asked her.  
"Because we need to prepare for lunch. Your father is coming home from the office early, and both your sisters will be here too. By the way, they are both very annoyed that I had to cancel the tutor."  
I bet they were, I thought. My two sisters and I had lessons together each morning, and finished late afternoon. They just loved to show me up infront of him. Just because they were more intelligent than me... it wasn't fair!  
Momma had paused for a while, as if deep in thought. She snapped back to reality suddenely, as she remembered what she had come to my bedroom for.  
"We need to pick you out something nice to wear, Jillian. Something becoming." She looked at me, softly, motherly love appearing in her eyes. Something I seldom saw. "Mind you," she added, "a girl like you needn't dress up to look good. You're beautiful Jillian. Truly beautiful. It's a shame you spoilt your innocence, or you could have really been something."  
She quickly moved across to one of my wardrobes, and started looking through it. I am sure she did it just to break the silence. As for me, I didn't know what to say either. I just sat in the chair at my dressing table, and watched my momma trying to select a dress for me. I glanced at myself in the mirror. My blue eyes seemed wide, with innocence and lack of knowledge about the world. My blonde hair curled around my shoulders, and the light from the table lamp shone off it, giving it a glimmer that made it look as though I had a halo. I laughed, inspite of myself. I was hardly the most angelic being there was. I knew far too much about the world for a girl of my age. I was almost eighteen. An unmarried pregnancy at eighteen in that day, for my class of person was almost unheard of. I was rich. I had the 'Boston blood' which my father boasted of. Yet if this scandal got out, I knew friends would disown us, and my father's business would plummet.  
I was a failure. I had ruined everything for my family.  
"How about this one?" Momma held up a scarlet dress that I had only worn on one ocassion before.  
"I guess so."  
"Come on Jillian, your future is at stake here. Show a little more interest. I liked this dress on you. It brought out the colour in your eyes."  
"Momma... what's going on? Why do I need to dress so?"  
"Your father made me promise not to tell you. So I'm afraid you will have to wait and see."  
"PLEASE momma..."  
"Alright then. Your father has invited someone around for lunch. A young man. His name is Cleave Vanvoreen, he is twenty-four years old. He's a young business man. In the ocean liner business. His father has recently passed away, and he is now in charge, and apparantly, he has already expanded the income from the liners by almost 30%. A real up and comer."  
At first I wasn't sure why momma was telling me all this. Why did she think I would want to know about one of father's business associates? Then it hit me.  
"Are you trying to marry me off?"  
"Well, what else can we do? Can't you see what you have done to this family, Jillian? If we find you a husband, this problem will sort itself out, otherwise we stand to lose everything!"  
I didn't know what to say. So I didn't say anything. Marriage at such an early age in Boston wasn't unheard of, even among the higher classes.  
But what was this Cleave like? 


	5. Chapter Four

Four- The One Thing I Had Been Searching For  
  
A few hours later, after putting on the dress, I ran a brush through my hair, and let it hang loose around my shoulders. I liked it better that way, although momma constantly told me to tie it back. She was always encouraging me to try the 'new fashions' that she seemed to live for.  
I looked at myself in the full-length mirror one more time, and then slowly made my way downstairs to the dining room, a couple of minutes late, as planned.  
"Your appearance will have more effect on Mr. VanVoreen if you show up a little after the rest of us." Momma had told me.  
I entered the dining room. Five people were sitting at the table already, just staring at me. Firstly father, with his cold eyes, although he did give me a nod of approval. Then momma, who gave me an encouraging smile. My two sisters, however, both looked nme up and down, sneeringly, and I knew that if we didn't have a guest that day, they would have both come out with spiteful comments, and I, most likely would have run away crying. Not today however. I was determined to show them that I didn't care what they thought.   
Finally, I turned my attention toward Mr. VanVoreen. He was dressed in a smart blue suit, very like the one father was wearing, and his eyes sparkled at me as he reached out and took my hand. "You look just like your mother. Dinner with two beautys. I am very flattered to be here."  
I noticed that this Cleave only said 'two beautys' and enjoyed the looks upon my sisters' faces at not being included in this compliment. Cleave was a very hansome man, and seemed very charming.   
I sat down in my place at the table, which momma and father had made sure was beside Cleave. Father was at one end of the table, and momma the other. My two sisters sat oposite Cleave and I.  
One of the maids came in, and started to serve us roast beef. This was one of chef's specialities. As I began to eat, and the men talked business, I wondered if Cleave knew what he had really been invited for.  
"Jillian is very fond of travelling. Isn't that right my dear?"  
"Yes father." I wasn't paying any atention to the conversation, rather praying for it to end so that I could hide in my bedroom once again.  
"Is that so, miss?" Cleave turned to me, showing a little more interest in what he saw.  
"Just call me Jillian." I said. "And yes, it's true. I've always loved the family holidays we've taken, although I don't recall ever using your line of ships."  
Cleave laughed, not at all put off by my attitude. I stared in fascination at this man who actually wanted to talk to me.  
"I don't suppose you have, for I would have met you before. Higher class people such as yourself would have dined at the captain's table, alongside myself. You see, I take as many trips as possible. After all, I have no family now, and my business is the sea, so I have no need to root myself to dry land all the time."  
Smiling, I spoke again, gaining confidence now that I knew Cleave was safe to talk to. "I always loved the evenings aboard ocean liners. The music, the dancing..." I sighed. "It must be so wonderful to be surrounded by that all the time, Mr. VanVoreen?"  
"Please, call me Cleave. And yes, it IS wonderful. Although I seldom dance. I never really met anyone nice enough to ask." He gazed into my eyes, seemingly mesmerised.  
I realised that we were still sitting at the dining table, surrounded by my family, and hurridly said, "Why don't we take a walk in the garden after dinner, Cleave. That is, unless you have somewhere more important to be."  
"Nothing would please me more, Jillian." 


	6. Chapter Five

Five- My Future Decided  
  
Once again in my bedroom, I answered the door to momma, who had brought me up a mug of milky coffee, and some cookies. This astonished me, because momma never did things like this herself. Sometimes she would send one of the maids up with something, but she never bothered otherwise. It was too much trouble for her. But not this time.  
"I'm proud of you, darling." She said, placing the tray on my bedside table, and sitting beside me on the bed. "You behaved like a real lady, and Mr. VanVoreen was obviously highly impressed with you. It's such a shame that you had to meet him under the circumstances, otherwise I know he would be perfect."  
"He IS perfect momma. He's wonderful."  
"Jillian, tell me about the walk you took with him around the grounds. How was it? You didn't say anything about it after he left, you just retreated up here, as usual."  
"It was as perfect as he is." I sighed, a far off look in my eyes. Until that moment, I had always dismissed the idea of love at first sight. "Momma, before he left did he... did he say anything about me?"  
"Yes, Jillian, when alone with your father and I, he showed a great interest in getting to know you further. Infact, Jillian, he wants to marry you. He asked your father for permission to do so. A real gentleman, I thought, asking your father before he even considered asking you."  
I was astounded, flabbergasted. I opened my mouth, and yet no words came out. Marry Cleave? Be the wife of the man in charge of his own fleet of ocean liners? Travel the world on such wonderful ships? Dance all night with that wondeful man I had met only that day?  
The idea shocked me at first, but I knew right away that I would gladly marry Cleave. There was something about him. He was a gentleman, yet without being as prudish as most of father's business companions. Yet again, he was several years younger than all of them.  
I finally found some words. "Momma, I would love to marry Cleave, really love to! What did father say?"  
"Your father told him to give it a week, to spend some more time with you, and if he remained as infatuated with you at the end of that time, he was welcome to ask for your hand."  
I was so happy and excited, that I had to remind myself to breathe.   
"Now don't you tell your sisters about this. You know how jealous they are of you already. And don't tell your father either. He doesn't want you to know yet."  
"Of course not, momma. I won't say anything to anyone."  
For a moment, I felt closer to my mother than I had ever done before. But this was spoilt when I reminded myself why I had been introduced to Cleave in the first place. 


	7. Chapter Six

Six- Fairytale Romance  
  
The next week past in a blur of horse riding, dining out and walks on the beach beside our country mansion. I was growing more and more fond of Cleave, and he of me. Our first kiss had happened one evening, sitting on the edge of a hill, staring down at the sun setting over the see, whilst our two horses champed grass in the feild behind us. It had been wonderful, everything that I ever imagined, and more. I had fallen for Cleave, totally and completely.  
At the end of the week, he took me to a fancy restraunt. It was just out of town, and one I had never been to before. The tablecloths were lacy, and there was classical music playing gently in the background.  
Finally, he asked me.   
"Jillian, my sweet one." He reached across the table, and took my hand in his. "I know this is sudden, and that we have only just met. But this last week has made me feel like I'm worth something again."  
"Yes, yes... me too." I said, smiling at him.  
"Good. I was hoping you would say that. Because if it's your wish, this beautiful dream could go on forever. Jillian, will you do me the honour of being my wife?"  
"Yes, Cleave, yes! Of course I will!" My heart leapt and I was so happy, that tears rolled down my cheeks. I stood up and threw my arms about Cleave's kneck, and he returned my embrace.  
We were both too excited to finish up our meal after that, so instead we left the restraunt and returned back to my home, to break the news to my family.   
Father shook Cleave's hand and congratulated him, and much to my horror, shook mine too. That wasn't the way to congratulate your newly engaged daughter, and I thought that he might have tried to do something a little more loving to keep up appearances infront of Cleave. Momma hugged both Cleave and I, and I actually saw tears in her eyes. My sisters hung back, and didn't say a word. They just glared at me, as I took my handsome man by the hand, and led him outside to say goodbye.  
The wedding was organised for the closest date possible, only ten days after Cleave proposed. It was a simple enough service, in a little church nearby. Only closest friends and family were invited, however, father had organised a huge party back at our home afterwards, to which almost everyone he knew was coming along to.  
It was the best evening of my whole life, and it didn't finish until the early hours of the morning. There was music, food and dancing. As Cleave and I danced, he whispered in my ear, "I hope we never have to stop dancing." and he planted a small kiss on my forehead as he spun me around.  
As we climbed into the back of the limousine, I yawned. We snuggled into the comfy seats, and I closed my eyes. It was a three hour drive to the airport, and then a long flight to Canada where we were going to spend two weeks on our honeymoon. A ski-ing holiday. I had never been ski-ing before, but Cleave had told me it was one of his favourite things to do, when he had the time.  
I yawned again, and Cleave's warm arms tightened around me. Within moments, we were both asleep. 


	8. Chapter Seven

Seven- Perfect Endings  
  
The first few weeks of married life were wonderful. Cleave didn't go on all of the cruises, but instead began to work from the office in our home so that we could be together more. The house was large and spacious, and not much smaller than my parents' home. Cleave's liner business was certainly doing well. Each day he came in bearing me presents. Although I knew he was spoiling me, I let him, for I had never felt so loved in my whole life. The house was very masculine, and I had set about making it prettier, ready for the baby girl I knew I would be having. How did I know it was a girl? I suppose I just had a deep feeling inside me, telling me that I would make everything alright. My baby would be a gorgeous girl, and I would love her, and make sure that she didn't make all the mistakes that I made.  
I didn't hide my morning sickness from Cleave. He was so kind, I just knew he would understand, and not be scared by the fact that I had become pregnant so early into our marriage. When he finally realised what was going on, he was actually delighted. He was going to be a daddy. The perfect father, totally opposite from my own.  
Soon enough, I began to show. I lost the figure I had treasured, and had a big, ungainly bump. Yet still, I didn't complain. I could easily get back into shape after my baby came. At first I thought that the baby had ruined my life. Then I began to see it a different way. It had rescued me. I had finally got away from father and momma, become my own person. And most inportantly of all, found Cleave.  
Something still troubled me though.  
What if my intuition was incorrect, and I gave birth to a son? He wouldn't look like Cleave. People would suspect... the truth would come out...   
Crazy thoughts such as this swam through my head all through my pregnancy. Finally, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We named her Leigh, after Cleave's mother. I was determined not to let anything about my daughter remind me of my past indiscretions. Cleave adored our little Leigh, right from the moment he set eyes on her. Indeed, I thought of her as Cleave's daughter as well, not just my own. She looked very much like myself, which pleased me.  
Life seemed to be working out. The magic was still in my marriage, we finally had a daughter and our family was intact.  
I hoped that nothing would ever happen to spoil it. 


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
My darling Jillian,  
I don't know why I am writing this, because I don't think I would ever dare to give it to you. If I did, I might lose you forever. You might take Leigh away from me. And I don't ever want that.  
I know Leigh is not mine. When I asked your father for your hand in marriage, he told me you were already withchild. I put on a brave face. I accepted his offer to give it a week's trial. I was hoping there would be something there which would make me have to give you up without hurting you. But instead I fell in love with you.  
I hate the thought that you have been with someone else, someone other than me. At first, it was an almost unbearable feeling. But soon enough, I came to feel a protectiveness towards you instead, a longing to keep you free from hurt. And I want Leigh to be my daughter, truly my daughter. Although I can never have that, I still hold onto the hope that she will always think she is mine.  
I was a lonely man until I met you. You and your daughter have given me meaning again. I don't ever want to let that feeling go.  
Let's do it for Leigh, if not for ourselves. Let's keep the secret.  
All my love,  
Cleave. 


End file.
